At A Loss

I wanted to write and share about my experience with the loss of my sweet baby, Lillianna Marie.  I have no particular goal in mind and no vision for what this blog will be like.  I just know that I'm lost and I'm stuck.  I didn't want to put the sad stuff on my regular blog page and hopefully soon I will put a regular post up over there.

Maybe I'll figure out how to identify how I'm feeling by trying to write about it.  Then again, maybe I will write angry complaints about the professionals who are supposed to be helping me and the stupid things they have said.

Right now though I am just at a loss.  I don't know how I feel, though I assume this unpleasantness is probably "grief", whatever that is.

Okay, I just looked it up -

–noun

1.

keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

2.

a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.

So I guess that is what I'm supposed to be doing and feeling.

So anyway, I guess I'll just set the bar really low and write this just for myself and whatever random things I want to put out there.  Maybe I just need a pseudo-public way to let the world (in theory) know about my baby and know that I'm sad and miserable without her.  Maybe I'll use this space to be overly dramatic and faux-deep.  I don't know, it's my freaking blog and I'll do whatever I darn-well please - except, apparently, use real cuss words.